FULL DISCLOSURE // I wrote this post right after our 10th wedding anniversary, but for some reason, I NEVER published it, so now with our 13th anniversary being today {I can’t believe it’s been 13 years!!!}, I decided to publish it because it’s all still SO relevant!! Also, Joe and I are NOT marriage experts, like at all, we just shared what’s worked for us and what we’ve learned along the way.

My amazing husband and I just celebrated our 10 {actually it’s the 13th now} year wedding anniversary on January 9th! We kinda looked at each other and wondered how the years went so fast! The last 13 years have been some of the best and hardest of our lives.

We got married young (I just turned 19 and he just turned 21), but if I had to choose, I would do it all again. It hasn’t always been easy. Truth is that getting married is easy, but staying married isn’t always that easy. I say this even though I got the best guy out there. Both of us agree that staying in this marriage is a choice. A choice we make daily. A choice to be committed to each other, to love one another even when we are unloveable, a choice to stick together even when the odds are against us, a choice to be on the same team, a choice to love God and honor Him in our marriage and lives, a choice to keep being faithful even when we only see the next step or can’t even see the next step, a choice to support each other and encourage each other.

Here are 10 things that we’ve learned along the way:

1) Establish EARLY on (or right now, regardless of where you are) that you’re both on the same team. It’s God + you two.

2) Have an open line of communication. This may seem like a “duh” statement, but a lot of times people don’t take the time to really figure out how to communicate well and what form of communication works best for them, so they just get frustrated and accept the fact that “communication is not our forte”

3) Find things you both love and do those things! For example, Joe and I LOVE, like LOVE love road trips. We can be in the car together for a week and we’d have so much fun! We don’t always get to go on road trips (boo!), but we do go to church about 45 minutes-1 hour away from where we live. This means that every Saturday night we get about 1 and a half to 2 hours to chat, catch up, dream, scheme, laugh and sing together. And yes, we totally sing LOUDLY in the car. We are “those” people

4) Find our things your spouse like and do those things with them. Invest in them and their hobbies or likes. It shows that you are paying attention and that you care about them

5) Pay attention to the little things and comment on them. Joe and I send each other texts, snapchats and we talk on the phone several times a day. If we see something that reminds us of the other person, we share it with them

6) Spend time face to face. It’s easy to get into routine and become roommates instead of spouses. A good marriage doesn’t just happen. It takes being intentional

7) Speak well of each other, especially in public and especially to your families. Are Joe or I perfect? NO! Though one of us comes pretty close, right babe? But a moment of anger or hurt feelings is not worth a lifetime of someone in my close circle having a bad opinion of Joe. With that said, we ALL need someone to vent to and share our hearts with, just make sure that you share the good and the bad, not just the bad. It’s a bad day, not a bad life (most of the time! If there’s a genuine concern to your or your kids’ wellbeing, please seek help!)

8) Pray, worship and read the Bible together. It kinda goes without saying, but life happens. It’s easy to wake up early and start the daily grind and then come home and fall asleep exhausted. Take a few minutes to pray with your spouse. It makes a difference

9) Share your goals and dreams with each other. Regardless of how big or small or silly or impossible they seem. Give your spouse specific things to pray for you for

10) Make a couple’s bucket list. We made one on our last road trip a couple months ago. We were driving from Washington state back home to Arizona (we drove down the coast and fell in love even more with the Pacific Northwest!!) and we decided that we wanted to be intentional with the time with have left. We want to leave a legacy for the generations behind us, but we also want to DO fun things!

Happy 13th Anniversary Joe!! Here’s to 100 more years!!

I want to hear from you! What is your number 1 marriage tip?!